Lost

My supervisor is correct when she says I don't seem to be focusing on my work. It's true, because I don't. I feel like that in virtually all other aspects of my life. I think my biggest downfall is my lack of focus. I have motivation. I want to go on to bigger and better things, such as grad school. I want to be successful. What I've found, however, is that I lose focus after awhile. I get bored with things. And then I lose interest and focus and start thinking of better things to do. I'm like that with work. For a few months I love my job and then after a while I just get bored with coming in everyday and doing the same thing. I seriously cannot understand how some people can do the same work for 30 or 40 years. I can only wish for such consistency out of myself. My dad has somehow done it, although I guess he's moved around to different departments in his factory. I can't see myself doing that at all.

I get like this in other aspects of my life. One minute I want to look up which third baseman to pick up for my fantasy baseball team. A few minutes later, as I'm looking for a third baseman, I get bored with that and think "I should write a letter to friend in Iowa." And then, I'll start writing that and think, "I'd really like to plan a trip to visit a friend in Maryland that I'll never take" and I'll look at airfares or railfares and schedules and see when this make believe trip will never take place. And then I'll never accomplish any of the things I set out to do. So, I don't think it's necessarily a problem with motivation. There's tons of stuff I'd like to do. However, my problem is I tend to lack the focus to follow through on the things that I do. I'm three classes short of a history major. My mom was harping on me the other day to finish that out. I was like, "Ah, I already have my degree and it won't make any difference." I had set out to accomplish that, but never did. I did an internship in transportation planning and have yet to do anything in that field. Same with umpiring. I have not worked a single inning since umpire school. I laughed last year while my dentist was pulling out my wisdom teeth because I thought of something completely random. Hell, my mind has wandered many times while fooling around with girls and made me lose interest in the moment. And then I'd rather be taking a nap or looking at a map book. Now that you ladies know this, feel free to make an orderly queue to my bedroom door.

Seriously, though, I think I have a problem with a lack of focus. Today, I tried to stay focused on my work and I noticed a big difference. I actually felt like I completed more work. I've been trying to do that in other aspects of my life here and there. It's kinda tough because my mind wanders a shit ton. I'm trying to focus more during conversations. Not be as forgetful about what was just said. When I'm reading books and newspaper I'm trying to focus more so I can retain it instead of forgetting what I just read about.

I think that potential fatal flaw is somewhat repairable. I think it will take time. And possibly something to focus on that I'm interested in. And some sleep. Because that's where I'm a Viking. So, good night.